Dreaming
of better days
She saw
her reflection in the mirror
Worried
was not her face
But she
found the light in her soul diminished
“Carry
on,” she heard herself say
Now
scared was her reflection as she turned around with zeal and zest
“Jahnvi, are you there? Listen
to me.” Dr. Tripti repeated herself with concern over how Jahnvi would react. Now
Jahnvi was completely in a state of awareness. She was scared to death for her
well being but with immense strength she replied, “Dr, I hear you. Yes, I am
here. I am really scared for myself right now, but I want to hear your advice
as to what I should do now.”
“Okay, so when Prantik said you
hate stability, it shook you completely and brought back memories of the
depression you faced in his absence. Lately, you’ve gone back to being how you
were without him for over a year. You get intimidated by stability. When
Prantik wasn’t paying attention again, you became insecure and that’s when you
started feeling lonely again. This is completely normal. There is nothing wrong
with the way you’ve been feeling. But now you have to come to terms with the
fact that since you are afraid to come to terms with the meaning of the term
stability, you have to face it right on, in fact. Challenge your relationship
with Prantik without backing out or caving in a shell. If the stability is
without him spending so much time with you then come to terms with regularity
in marriage.”
“I get what you’re saying
doctor. Let me internalize the situation and get back to you tomorrow.” Jahnvi
replied firmly. “And just one more thing, has Prantik gotten in touch with you
about me recently?”
Dr. Tripti didn’t want to give
away client confidentiality, but she knew it was important for Jahnvi to know
her husband was aware of her state of mind lately. “Yes. He called to inquire
about how you’ve been doing recently.”
Jahnvi fencing on rage, replied
calmly. She said, “Thank you Dr. Let me call you back. And I’ll be fine so don’t
worry about me. Thank you.”
Jahnvi was furious with her
husband! Why did he call Dr. Tripti without telling her? She didn’t want his
pity! So that’s why off late he’d been coming home early and last night’s
dinner that she thought was a going away feather in a book was actually him
pitying her! He didn’t even confront her about their situation they were going
through!
Jahnvi counted hundred silently
with OM mantra playing on the stereo in the room. She had a quick shower. It
was 4 pm. Got dressed in casual joggers and a loose T-shirt, knotted her hair
in a bun and called out to Neetu, “Neetu, get me a cup of tea please.”
While her tea was getting
ready, she sat at her favorite spot on the couch in the living room. She then
had some tea and didn’t give in to her craving for a smoke. She wasn’t a smoker
and one thing she immediately knew after talking to Dr, was that she was no
damsel in distress. She wouldn’t let her past interfere with her present. She
was a different person now. She was married and had a blessed life.
Stretching on the sofa, she
introspected her situation. It had always worked for her. She thought, “Okay
Jahnvi, you’re in shock. Okay wait. You were in a state of shock until now. Now
you know that you can’t come to terms with stability or regularity of any sort.
But wait, you only got that disruptive feeling in the absence of Prantik
spending time with you. You love him a lot so you always want to spend time
with him. But that’s not possible. He has a full-fledged career unlike your
chilled out job for the last seven years of writing daintily from home. So you
have a lot of free time for yourself. He doesn’t. How life was headed couple of
weeks ago was stability for Prantik. Maybe he thought they had matured. You didn’t
think that way. You wanted his time. But that’s not always possible. So now accept
this truth bomb and get back on your feet!”
Jahnvi was calm now but she
laid back on the couch for some more time idly and then it came to her. She had
a hunch about something so she brought her phone out and pinged this guy called
Sid.
Hey Sid, sup!
Prantik was busy navigating
between conference calls and meetings with the board of directors of the
company. They were looking to attract stakes from bigger shareholders to invest
in better software provisions for app building for junior employees. He just
hung up on Raylon who asked him to look over the figures in the proposal once
again when his phone pinged. It was Jahnvi. He stopped work and replied calmly,
“Hey doll, sup. I’m kinda busy at work should I ping you later?”
Jahnvi was now so close to
being sure about her hunch she used a trick. She said, “Sure Sid. But I have
been thinking something.”
All antennas up, Prantik
promptly replied without thinking, “Oh my God!”
And then Jahnvi knew that Sid
was in fact her husband! It was his patent reaction to whenever she told him
something was on her mind.
She said furiously but calmly, “Welcome
to Tinder Prantik. See you at home.”
Prantik read the ping at once
and he knew he had music to face at home. Resignedly, but with dedication, he
first completed his work and at 7:30 pm, he left from office to return home. He
dreaded the scene that would take place at home in an hour.
Prantik returned home and saw
Jahnvi sitting upright on the couch. All eyes on him. Neetu was so scared with
the angry vibrations at home, she literally ran into her room after answering
the door.
“You’re on Tinder!” Jahnvi said
furiously.
Prantik had had just about
enough of his wife’s tantrums. He said evenly, “You’re on Tinder!”
Jahnvi felt her guard down and
fumbled a little with no excuse of being on Tinder. She said, “Well, well I was
on Tinder because you were busy neglecting our marriage.”
Prantik bargained some time and
said angrily, “So that gave you motive to talk to guys randomly?”
Jahnvi was caught between the
devil and the deep sea and said calmly, “You obviously checked my phone to find
out what I was up to lately. Why so sneaky, husband?”
Prantik hadn’t even changed
into anything comfortable. He didn’t know how to avert this argument. He was
worried about Jahn’s health but at the same time he was responsible for
sneaking into her phone. He said without thinking, “Because I was scared for
you. I was scared you were acting hastily lately.”
“And that was because of whom?”
Jahnvi asked challenging her husband.
“Jahn listen, let’s not fight. Let
me explain.” Prantik moved towards his wife and with a swift dive, he picked
her up and took her to their room.
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