She couldn’t thank her dual self enough
After all
It gave her wings
To fly beyond her wildest dreams
But wait, she thought,
“Never have I ever felt so conflicted at the same time.”
And she knew, it was Prantik again!
The Morning after:
Sim: “Hey, you guys! Good morning!!”
Jahnvi hugged Sim like she would never leave her old time friend and Prantik hi-fied Roy. The little man made his way through the crowd and straight into his God mother’s bedroom where his God father had set up a VR play room he referred to as for “Big men.”
Rihaan was about to enter his second mom’s bedroom when Sim called out to him, “Where to Spiderman? First breakfast and then play time. Remember the rules?”
Rihaan took a U-turn and settled at the dining table patiently waiting for the elders’ meet and greet to get done with so he could quickly grab breakfast and play some real time games with his God father he called, “Pops”.
The party settled at the dining table and Sim instructed her help, Aarzoo to serve breakfast to the family. There were fried eggs, sausages, hash browns, curried beans and blueberry yoghurt topped with mixed berries- The works!
Aarzoo served the meals while Rihaan was distracted thinking how his ranger would beat Pops’ at the game after food.
Prantik and Sim’s husband were busy discussing the latest technology they were going to invest in while Sim and Jahnvi were busy discussing the latest from the world of K beauty.
Rihaan started with sausages and Prantik, in high spirits, decided to rag his son.
Prantik: “Champ Spiderman doesn’t eat sausages and all ha, I’m just telling you. He’s into protein shakes and a strict diet. Come here, let me help myself to some of your sausages.”
Roy tried not to laugh and Jahnvi and Sim rolled their eyes at each other fully knowing what Prantik was upto.
Rihaan was busy enjoying his breakfast when Prantik reached for his son’s plate.
Rihaan: “waaaa!!!!!! Mommy, mommy, daddy is eating all my sausages!”
Prantik tried not to laugh out loud and hug his son, he simply continued to tease him.
Jahnvi: “Prantik! Come here my betu, come take mama’s plate.”
Rihaan made his way onto his mommy’s lap when Prantik fingered his son again, “Champ, I’m telling you Spiderman and Sausages…”
Rihaan: “Daddy!” His mouth full with his favorite food, “waaa! What is wrong with Spiderman eating Sausages?!”
At that, all of them laughed and Sim grabbed her little man and served him more sausages.
While Jahnvi was busy booking online seats for the Turkish Cirque for the four of them with Sim, she narrowly caught Prantik busy with his phone. Something inside her was alert suddenly, but she ignored the feeling thinking her husband must be bargaining deadlines with Ray as usual and continued to have a great time at the breakfast party at Sim’s.
Prantik caught Jahn eyeing him and he knew at once, the game plan for the finale of her homeopathy had begun. He continued to pretend to message his colleague and a very dear friend Jharna and he was thoroughly enjoying the excitement of finally reaching the finish line of the game with his dear wife.
After a leisure breakfast, Prantik and Jahnvi took their leave and didn’t interrupt Rihaan and Pops who were enjoying their real time VR game. They informed Sim they’d send the family driver for Champ later in the evening after he’d have his fill of a day full of VR games.
As Mr. and Mrs. Saxena made their way out of the building, Jahnvi asked Prantik to drop her off at Dr. Tripti’s for her scheduled session that day at her healing boutique.
Prantik dropped Jahn but didn’t kiss her goodbye purposely and instead started messaging on his phone again as Jahn made her way out of the car.
Jahnvi was irritated but didn’t say anything and focused her energy on her awaited session with her therapist.
1:45 pm:
Jahnvi entered the healing boutique, feeling fresh and whole as a blooming flower. She knew she would have a legal closure today as one nasty side of her had left her for good the night before at her mothers’.
Dr Tripti: “Jahnvi, Jahnvi! Come in”, the therapist rose from her seat and walked towards her dear patient to greet her warmly.
Jahnvi smiled ear to ear and settled on one of the pink sofas, her favorite place to be off guard.
Jahnvi: “Dr, there’s so much to tell you!”
Dr Tripti: “I know and I couldn’t be more proud of you. Let’s begin the session?”
Jahnvi: “Yes doc, lets. Let’s bury one part of my side for good today.”
Dr. Tripti: “Okay tell me, how do you feel after last night?”
Jahnvi began and didn’t stop for the next 30 minutes, lost in her own whirlwind of thoughts that brought her closer to her split's burial with her therapist.
Jahnvi: “Doc, I feel complete today. I feel like a big load has been off my chest after 38 long years of burying that side with mum for the longest time. I didn’t know what came into me last night. I just stood up to all the years of her ignorance towards me and spoke my heart out to her. I was very well aware of my split talking to her all the while and I was more than satisfied. When mum apologized and took me in her arms, it was like there was a fire inside me that exploded and then suddenly I felt empty- Empty of all the hurt, pain and misunderstandings with my mother. I felt like at that minute that there was no more oil to burn the fire and that I was free. I came out of the fire unscathed and whole. I feel like I have finally accepted my past trauma of being a rebel kid and found peace accepting that an overprotected childhood could have destroyed me, but my mum’s values balanced that side of me all those years. I felt like my husband completely understood where I was coming from and couldn’t help but feel like the luckiest woman in the world to have him by my side when I was at a breaking point last night. Doc, I just feel like acceptance of my rebellious childhood from being a loner to a reserved kid to an outspoken adult and somehow directing that aggression, growing up as a working writer, into my writing for the City Times for the longest part of my career saved me. Last night was surreal, I still remember the fire that flashed before my eyes, that’s when I knew my split with my mum had died a satisfied death. Doc, I feel like I am finally ready to lead a normal life without using my split as a defense against my mother.”
Dr. Tripti was listening to every word Jahn had to say about the miraculous way Prantik had thought out the execution of placing Jahn’s split on nerves end with her mother and had fruitfully done the job of a doctor with Jahn since a month before the confrontation last night. She was so happy for Jahn and so, so proud of Prantik’s acute intelligence. This type of healing wasn’t always possible with splits but Prantik had researched and followed his gut. To be honest, she wasn’t sure if his trick would work, but it had and Jahnvi was so much closer to recovery now. Prantik’s desertation was something she would wait for a while to heal.
Dr. Tripti: “Jahnvi, you are right. You have healed. But 50%.Now it’s confirmed that your split that occurred in defense with your mother won’t bother you again and you will have a balanced relationship with your mother for good. But there is another side of you that’s awake in insecurity with Prantik…”
Jahnvi was about to interrupt the doctor using defense again to say that she didn’t feel her split with Prantik all of last year but before that her therapist continued, “Jahnvi, listen to me. One part of your split is dead now. And I am extremely proud of you as a couple. You guys are twisted but you are what we therapists are alive for. Take this time to fully accept your past relationship with your mother and internalize your feelings of past rebel completely to heal for some time. Come to terms with it. About Prantik, well, we’ll make sure that part of you alive with him in insecurity is healed before you know it.”
Jahnvi knew she was in good hands and rose to tightly hug Dr. Tripti in gratitude. The two women shared some brewing coffee from the boutique’s abysmal coffee machine and exchanged nonchalant anecdotes of life after which Jahn left the healing boutique, full of life and excitement to begin writing the fourth and the most important tenet of normalizing mental health.
But first, she made her way to the nearest showroom to shop for her son, husband and her dear house help before returning home to the ever patient Neetu who had her late lunch ready when she returned home smiling, a smile her help would never forget- A smile that brought tears in Neetu’s eyes in admiration for her boss lady who had silently suffered all these years without her pain affecting the upbringing of her brat like she called Rihaan baba, with love.
Jahnvi hugged Neetu as she answered the door open for her madam. “Here Neets, this is something for you.”
Neetu: “Thank you madam. I deserve it.”
At that, both of them laughed and Neetu served her madam lunch. After a scrumptious meal of her favorite roti and sabzi, Jahnvi reclined towards her room and rested for exactly five minutes before she sat at her small study in the bedroom, since she wasn’t allowed to use the actual study because Prantik said, “That space is mine Jahn. You make do with the study in our bedroom.” She smiled lovingly at the systematic allocation of rooms in their home and after a long hard sip of her brewing tea, Jahn began her fourth tenet to normalize mental health. “God,” she thought happily, “this handbook will help millions into understanding and accepting patients in their journey of recovery from any mental illness!”
“But wait, it’s been a whole day and Prantik hasn’t called!” Jahnvi thought nervously but then she had to focus on the fourth tenet so she got busy with that. However, a nagging feeling lingered within her.
5:30 pm:
The fourth tenet to normalize mental health: Acceptance
This one is a hard pill to swallow readers. Realization, Positive Affirmations, self-defense and then comes but the most important tenet – Acceptance. The patient at this stage has fully understood the illness and has started healing. This healing comes from accepting the condition of their heartbreak and trauma. A lot of therapy sessions with a good therapist help here. Acceptance is like admitting to one’s own self, “Yes, I am ill. But I have well wishers and I am loved for who I am right now- Broken but beautiful. And I am healing.”
Once the patient internalizes his condition and is ready to talk about his illness with his near and dear ones openly and without shame, there’s half the battle one. Sure, a lot of roadblocks on the way. A lot of tears, more pain and heartbreak, the patient feels hopeless even at this stage but what well wishers can do is support the patient silently by accepting them as their own, understanding that the patient is half way there as he now talks about his troubles without using self defense as a mechanism to hide his pain.
The patient here, at this stage, is in the means of a self transformation where his fears and self doubt are replaced with pain but a pain of peace with the pain, where they are ready to move past their trauma and into the real world with confidence that’s not accounted for by their defense but with a feeling of accomplishment that they were strong enough to face their illness, accept it as a part of their past and now they are ready to finally move on beyond it. And yes, their trauma had never, will never define them again.
Well wishers, colleagues at work and family can support the patient’s journey from defense to acceptance by simply being there as their silent troop and sometimes letting go of outbursts of conflict realizing its their way of letting out their pain out loud.
These outbursts of conflict are after all with themselves. Only if the world was more compassionate and accepting would this stage of transformation be so fruitful for patients.
7pm:
Jahnvi was in a state of trance when she suddenly remembered her son had school the next day and asked driver uncle to pick Rihaan from Sim’s.
She then called Prantik but there was no answer. An unsettling feeling rose within her but she chose to ignore it - For now. She thought, “maybe he is busy with work. It’s a week day and his latest app development for diabetics is life changing.”
Jahnvi then made her way into the living room and started annoying Neetu who was preparing dinner for her family. The two women were enjoying neighbor gossip in full swing when the door bell rang and Prantik and Rihaan both entered the Saxenas’ living room. Prantik busy on his phone and Rihaan in happy spirits form a day well spent at his God mothers’.
Jahnvi asked how Prantik’s day was and he mildly said it was the usual all the time messaging on his phone! He brushed past his wife, knowing fully well her split would come alive at any time now. He freshened up and the family settled for dinner.
Jahnvi: “Beta, how was it at sim mum’s place? What did you guys do?”
Jahnvi noticed her husband was still messaging someone but paid attention to her son’s excited recitation of his day.
Rihaan: “Mommy! Pops and I played VR games the whole day and then Sim mum gave me Poptarts and chocolate milk and later Pop and mama played more games with me! I want more poptarts!! I will share them with John and that stupid girl Riya.”
Jahnvi and Prantik laughed despite the tension in the air and they ate prawn curry rice after which Jahnvi put Rihaan to bed promising him a whole pack of poptarts to school the next day.
10pm:
Prantik was still on his phone when Jahnvi entered the bedroom to retire for the night when she lovingly placed her arms around her husband. Prantik moved her away and said, “Jahn, let’s just call it a night, okay?”
Jahnvi was suddenly alive! She twisted in bed around him and finally gave in, “Who have you been messaging Prantik?”
Prantik smiled inwardly and said, “Nothing man. It’s just Jharna from the development team, been having difficulty with some codes for the app.”
Jahnvi knew that wasn’t true. She knew Jharna and that she could teach her husband a thing or two about coding so she continued her tirade, “Really? And suddenly you don’t want your wife beside you tonight?”
Prantik wanted to laugh, laugh out loud because one thing he loved about his Jahn was that her world revolved around thier son and him.
He said, “It’s just late and I am tired. Some of us go to work to pay the bills, okay?”
Jahnvi now on her knees flatly announced, “Okay that’s it, get me pregnant!”
Prantik brushed his wife aside, “Lol, Jahnvi I don’t think that’s possible right now,” and made his way to his study.
Jahnvi found herself screaming like a kid when she said to her husband on his way out, “But you never go to the study at this hour! What’s going on?!”
Jahnvi thought then, “One burial, another part alive! Am I on the road to recovery or more destruction from here on?”
Prantik slept on the purple love seat that night and Jahnvi didn’t sleep at all, her split overpowering her with insecurity that her worst fear had come true- Her husband had found someone else!
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