Down the rabbit hole,
There goes my love,
All bundled up in innocence and pride,
Wait a minute, there's no light at
the end of this tunnel, V warned,
Come away with me into our world,
Somewhere you belong
1 am, Friday, that long haul of a weekend, June 2017
"Wolf magic begin now! Hail the lord of rain and the heavens in the dark blue skies, let me have Ray in my arms right now."
Vishal waved his magic wand and Ramen lying in despair in bed was suddenly transported spiritually into his arms, in his bed, resting next to him. Her hair covered her pops of her sweet face.
Ramen welcomed his move. She was so depressed with the constant challenges lately that she accepted his warmth as pure love.
She moved to her window and stared out onto the silent road ahead of her. "Ray, close your eyes." He said.
Ramen could imagine being with V in his bed and as she closed her eyes, she felt a soft kiss touch her forehead. "You have me for now and forever. Remember this kiss this weekend and make me proud." With that he left her mind and she walked back silently to her bed and gently rested her head on her pillow, in the rapture of his warmth, not with the slightest imagination of the challenges today would bring with it.
But would Ramen Zaheer face up to them?
10 am, Friday, June 2017
Ramen woke up with a heavy heart. Somewhere she knew she was alone now. That, it was all a trap!
She cried herself to sleep again but it eluded her. She made a quick one and smoked three puffs before she had the stamina to walk out of her room.
"Hi mum." Ramen greeted her mother rubbing her eyes.
"Ramen did you...wait" Pankti answered the buzzing phone. Apparently her sister had called. Something she never did during this hour.
Disturbed with the sudden interference with her mother, she sat next to her dad on the small couch.
Zubair was chanting his prayer beads in the morning and unintentionally made Ramen feel completely left out.
Despondently she returned to her room. She freshened up and after an hour she dressed in home clothes and just sat on her bed. It happened. She pressed her teary eyes shut with a wish it wouldn't happen again but just then, again.
Ramen just lay in bed with no energy and life in her. She knew she had to get a blog out but that was the farthest from her mind right now. She couldn't eat just yet because it was still only 12 pm.
"Ramen", her mother entered the room and sat next to her on the narrow bed.
Ramen thought she should confide her troubles in her mother and she was about to, "Mum, there's something I need to bring to your notice."
"Yes?" Her mother responded but just then co-inci-fucking-dentally her aunt called.
"Hi Tanisha," Her mother left the room with that.
A feeling of helplessness took over Ramen. She didn't understand the sudden interruptions all the time when she wanted to talk to her mother.
She sat in bed and closed her eyes shut wishing V would appear to comfort her out of thin air like last night but that didn't happen. She felt abandoned. Enraged with her situation of being cornered she profaned at V in her head and walked back and forth in the 250 square foot room that gave her a dizzying headache in five minutes. She slumped in bed when it happened. "God! I can't take it anymore. Tell them to stop! Please stop!" She cried silently and her muffled weeps reached V at work. He jolted himself into real time again and excused himself out of the meeting to go to the washroom. He cried in there but he knew he couldn't help his girl right now. This is was the test. The testament of their Lord. He prayed her weekend wouldn't destroy her to numbness and that she would make him proud and Sunday he would be able to marry her. "God please make Ray pass this test."
2pm, Friday, June 2017
"Ramen Zaheer get a hold of yourself!" She bolted herself out of her bed and said aloud, "Think! Fame! Fantasy, Jealousy! It could be after all!!!"
"Fuck yes!! That’s my woman", V gutted in his mind at work.
With meek confidence, she went into the kitchen and asked Pankti to serve her lunch.
"Ramen, you look pale. Is everything alright?"
"Mom, What do..." Just then her cousin called her mother from the fifth floor and Pankti ran out to answer one of the snakes.
Pankti returned after 20 minutes and served her lunch.
Ramen knew she wouldn't be able to talk to her just yet. She silently endured the trauma of seclusion and ate her petty lunch with little sympathy for herself.
Ramen returned to her room and lit the half smoked joint. She shut the bedroom door before that and lit agarbatti to prevent the smoke from going out of the four corners of her prison.
She sat at the study and started typing mindfully.
The dark side of
Fame
You walk the red carpet of fabulous heaving sighs of pain deep
within where no roses pose a threat anymore to your sanity. What's true and who
is a foe? These questions answered with fake hugs and kisses that say goodbye
before they even begin their journey with you. It's a night to celebrate the
power of stardom, it's the night to dress up, glow up and show up even if you’re
dying inside. Oh no, don’t show those tears of despair and loneliness here,
they are captured but only with your smile. Come then, into the world where
jealousy back stabs in the smoothest way. Yes, from the friends that want
the best for you and from the family that applauds for you.
Ask me again the number of times I broke down tonight before
showing up in the cocktail gown and they say, Oh come on Big man, you're the
star, you're the one, the chosen one, how can you of all fall apart? We pay you
to stand and pose while your tears dry inside. The cameras focused on you and
that strand of loose hair that must be sprayed back in place in no time, the paparazzi is waiting for you.
Remember son, you're your face and smile. Nobody cares about
your pain and number of deaths you martyr right here waiting on producers who
wouldn't think twice before replacing you. So smile son, pin up, the poster boy
that has only happiness soaked in the lather of love from fans and traps from
everyone else!
Be careful the family warns every once in a while for your pay
cheques get us by and those that claim to love you, the ones beneath us, that
one true love, that pundit’s daughter is not for you for she knows our
intentions and is a smart fool. So friends say, stay with us champ, buy us
drinks and lavish dinners that go directly into your fat bank account for you
are but your money's worth and yes, forget about her, like your family, we're
but the only others that accept your stupid innocence for love.
So now, shake a leg, smile more and joke about that pundit’s
daughter while going to bed tonight with that director's daughter. Pay for us,
jealous be the heavens, you stay up the night while the moon listens to your
cries of dearth of love. Remember? Love is where fame and money is my boy. Good
night, have fun in bed with that new one and forget about that pundit’s
daughter who promises nothing but justice for your sorrows from the
grave.
Do what you're paid for son. They said that and left him alone
crying out for a way out of the dark side of fame where cameras zoomed in on
his smile and never captured his pain.
Ramen Zaheer expressed her feelings into her first blog in eight months and clicked to publish. She then slumped further down in her chair and cried once again. Silently though.
She felt all alone, all geared to face the world all on her own. Her mother's neglect and dad's unabashed ignorance had further fueled the fire burning within her nemesis for allcthis time that she was crying out for help.
She got up and sipped some water. There, standing at the window she thought about V. She felt his elusive touch and she hugged herself numb. But this time with reflection of the crime perpetrated against her like broad daylight.
She was on camera! There were cameras at home. Following her every move to capture footage for some reality TV but her family was using it as an opportunity to break her. This was no delusion. This was the hard fact of her life but she knew she wasn't one of them to sit back and karma play it's role.
The resolve as hard as stone now, she was consumed with a vengeance for justice. But not just yet. She knew she had more to see and more to revenge to resolve.
7pm, Friday, June 2017
Ramen called Pankti to serve her dinner and of course, her uncle called just at that time.
She knew her mother knew what was happening and she promised herself that she would never forgive her parents for their cowardice.
She ate dinner early and locked herself in isolation once again. It happened but now it didn’t matter since she knew the reason behind the crime - Jealousy.
Her sister, her relatives and what was remaining? Her friends?
She went on to test them.
She called one of her school friends and within two seconds her friend had to hand up because well, someone was at the door.
Isolate her, don't help her, don't support her, make it look like she's crazy and there we have it- Sweet satisfaction of her fall from success!
Ramen laughed out loud and having uncovered the true colors of her own near ones promised herself more success, more fame and more love! Love she knew would come to her inevitably but the success and fame she would gift herself by becoming thick as a cow and agile in her blogging to now return anymore!
"And yes, Fuck you V! Fuck you for desolating me in my hardest time today!"
Ramen rolled one more and smoked away the pain and sorrow.
Vishal Agnihotri called for his mother and they both smiled between
tears knowing Sunday they would take Ramen away.
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